One Managers Journal

This is the real life journal of a manager I know. To read what this is all about, start here.

To comment on these entries, or ask questions, go to the Management Forum and post in the folder titled "Journal".

Number 14

When I'm upset, anxious, depressed, or worried, I clean and/or eat. Hence, on the eve of the our third millennium (depending on how you count), I'm proud to say that my garage, closets, and drawers are clean and so well organized that even Martha Stewart would be impressed. Unfortunately, I've gained six pounds since mid-December. But going back to work and getting back to a normal "feeding" pattern should fix that.

There's something about throwing away tangible trash that allows me to clear my head and focus on the intangible trash -- baggage...dead weight -- that I've been nearly consumed with the past few months (it's cheaper than a shrink). My Grandmother believed (as did her own ancestors) that unless you confess your troubles, forgive and ask for forgiveness, and resolve to correct your misdeeds by the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve your fate for the following year would be sealed...that you would carry that baggage with you throughout the following year. Call me superstitious, but I can't take any chances.

So the weekend before Christmas, I resolved to eliminate clutter in ALL forms from my life. And after a week of cleaning, some heated discussions with hubby over what was worth keeping and what should be thrown out ("...Honey, don't throw that out. I was going to do something with that." To which I reply, "Really? What exactly is that?"), and four extra large garbage bags filled with junk, I can now do what I know I've needed to do for weeks now -- have a heart-to-heart with the dynamic duo.

I had talked with them before about what's happening in our organization. But in my effort to take the high road...exhibit leadership and integrity...remain mature and professional, I spoke from a big picture, organizational perspective -- trying very hard not to let feelings enter the conversation. So why didn't I feel any better after that initial conversation? Why was I wearing this invisible protective shield at our Christmas party (having a ball, but only allowing laughter and interaction with THEM in small doses)? Because feelings do have a lot to do with this. And the fact that management left that TOTALLY out of the equation was disturbing. But even more disturbing was my belief that the dynamic duo could have had a powerful and positive impact on management's actions, but CHOSE instead to offer certain fellow employees up as sacrificial lambs, as they chased the insipid carrot being dangled before them.

Anyway, I basically expressed the same concerns I have expressed in the management forums -- both from a personal and professional perspective. I let them know -- this time in no uncertain terms -- that I (as did others) felt betrayed, confused, unable to trust and resentful because of many of their actions. But that I (UNlike most others) was still motivated by the potential success of our endeavor; and willing to do my part to make it happen.

They seemed genuinely relieved that I had finally "gone there" because despite my best efforts to stay focused on the work instead of my feelings about the process, they knew something was amiss. How could they not? After all, we'd been practically joined at the hip for the past nine months. And now, the only time I talked to them was to discuss business. Sure, I was always professional, courteous, and respectful; but to say I was "warm" would be a huge stretch.

I left our meeting with at least a better understanding of their SOME of their actions. And, I do feel at least one carryon bag lighter; and eager to start anew. I'm no Pollyanna, so I know this will take time. These two have depleted the emotional bank accounts of many, though not totally their fault. They will have to make some big deposits in order for people to trust them again. But for as long as I'm there (for about another six months), I have to practice what I preach by giving them the benefit of the doubt and doing my part to help them and the organization be successful.

Continued.......

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