"If managers do not take necessary steps to prevent it, the morale of their employees will rise to a level that it is detrimental to production and profits."
His proof for this theory is the amount of effort managers expend to keep this condition from occurring.
Dan is an economist in the Seattle, Washington area. He currently works in the high technology sector, but also has experience in the retail and fishing industries. He bases his theory on data that were collected empirically. He is an inveterate observer of people and their interactions in the workplace.
Corollary #1
His corollary states "Happy employees cost too much." Dan observes that "if employees are not constantly complaining about being under paid, it is a good sign that they are overpaid."
Suggestions
While I suspect Dan has his tongue firmly planted in his cheek, I offer the following suggestions in the same vein.
- Keep your employees in the dark. Don't give them the information they need to do their job.
- Don't give them any information that tells them how their work fits into the overall company effort.
- Tell them their performance goals only once a year, and make sure it is after their performance review has been completed.
- If an employee has an idea that will save the company money, be sure you claim it as your own before passing it "upstairs."
- Yell at them a lot. If possible make sure you are heard by most of their co-workers.
- Be suspicious of your employees motives. If they are cheerful, try to find out what they are up to.
- Check everything they do, preferably in front of them. If you can't find anything wrong, make a new rule.
- Frequently let them know that you know more about their job, and the best way to do it, than they do.
- Belittle them whenever possible and remind them that you can fire them at will.
- Squelch any sign of creativity or innovation. Make sure they all look and act alike.
Newspaper Publicity
Do all of these things well and you will be featured in the local newspaper. Unfortunately, it won't be in the business section -- it will be in the "Dilbert" zone.
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